“People pleasing” is acting in ways that are not authentically you in order to please other people. Do you have difficulty with saying no? Do you find yourself doing things for others that you actually don’t want to do? And what if someone is doing something that affects you in a negative way? Do you dare to tell them? Do you ask people to stop when you don’t like what they are doing with you? Do you sometimes lie about your preferences to make life easier for others? Do you hide your emotions to not disturb them?
Some people who become aware of themselves displaying this kind of behavior start calling themselves “people pleasers”. You will not hear me using that term though because I don’t want you to start thinking of yourself as having some fixed people pleasing identity. People pleasing is just a behavior, based on a mindset that’s not serving you, and you can totally learn to choose other beliefs and perspectives, and start to make self-empowering choices that honour you, and which will at the same time serve others more too.
And that’s exactly what we’re going to do in this free course on assertiveness and authenticity.
In this course you will learn:
The right mindset that will back up your new self-empowered choices, including:
Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself
The right perspectives on egoism, laziness, assertiveness, and responsibility
A positive self-image
To say no to relationships in which no is a wrong answer
You will also learn how to change your people pleasing behaviour
You will learn to take your time when deciding on whether you want to help someone, how to be strong in your no, and set your boundaries
How to make this shift in a gentle and easy way by taking baby steps, talking positive to yourself and using affirmations
“I learned to stop people pleasing the hard way. I especially had a big problem with saying no and letting others know when I didn’t like something they were doing with me. Sometimes if you don’t learn a lesson, life will bring you clearer and clearer opportunities to step into your power. During my first sexual relationship, I established the habit to not tell my partner when penetrative sex was painful for me because I was afraid to see him frustrated with not having had an orgasm, and ashamed of my body not living up to his expectations and desires. This resulted in many many many vaginal infections during different relationships. It took me six years before I finally learned the lesson: my body is mine and I do not have any responsibility to make the other person feel good. I put myself first. Now it feels like a loving obligation towards myself: I take the responsibility to take good care of my body. If sex hurts, I will tell the other person and stop if necessary, regardless of how this will make the other person feel. Believe me, my sex life has become far more pleasant since!”
The lessons in this course:
- People Pleasing has No Benefits
- Saying “No” is Saying Yes
- You’re Not an Egoist!
- You can be Empathic, Caring ánd Assertive
- You’re Not Responsible for Other People’s Happiness
- Respect Yourself, have a Positive Self-image
- No Reason to be Afraid of Rejecting or Being Rejected
- Don’t Care about People’s Expectations
- Say No to Relationships in which no is a Wrong Answer
- Take Your Time to Make Your Decision
- Be Strong in Your No
- Be Explicit with Your Boundaries
- Baby Steps & Positive Self-Talk
- Use Positive Affirmations
- Completion Exercise
Saying “No” is Saying Yes
When you say “no” to someone else, you’re saying yes to you. Because you’re respecting your desires and boundaries, you allow yourself to be authentic, you refuse to do what you don’t want to do, and so you take care of yourself and your happiness.
You’re also saying yes to healthy relationships in which both parties can freely ask each other for favors, where no is an acceptable answer, and where both parties only act on shared desires, thereby keeping the relationship clean of resentment and full of joy.
Saying “no” to someone is at the same time saying yes to them. Because it’s also for their best interests that the relationship stays clean and that you don’t give them the bad experience of someone reluctantly doing something for or with them. If you would never dare to say no or enforce your boundaries, they might notice and stop enjoying your help and company.
So you see that saying “no” is actually saying yes to yourself, the other person, and the relationship you have together.
This course on assertiveness and authentic relating is completely free. Feel to just have a look! If you have any questions, please ask in the Q&A.